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July 2008 
Im feeling unstable
Posted on Feb 12th, 2008
by 
Earthdweller
Earthdweller
I drank last night because my ego took over and I wanted to be unconscious. I let my ego feed on anger and resentment and I dont know how to stop it. I try too let the thought slide but once Im mad its over. I have been doing good but the stress of moving, school, work, doctors, taking care of my mom and cousin(who is a junky). I feel the support here on Gaia but Im in a state of shock I guess. I dont know where this is going but Im trying again its a new day all I can do is try
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Shannon, you have been doing really well and your blog shows insight and courage, last night was a small blip in massive changes , be gentle with yourself, you are taking on so much maybe too much? I understand that you want to care for your Mum, maybe someone else could care for your cousin? I am trying to be helpful and hopefully not judgemental, but sometimes with an addicted person caring for and propping them up is counterproductive and very stressful for you, is your cousin ill as well as addicted?
Remember we are all here for you and we really do care and wish to be supportive.
Earthdweller, know that you are not alone in the world. If you need an ear to vent and release some of what is building up, please feel free. I will never judge anything you say and will allow you to vent so as to release some of the pressure. As Zephyr said, maybe you are taking on a bit too much on your own. Is there someone who can help your cousin? I know your heart is big and you want to help everyone, but at some point it will break us. I understand that need to take a drink and that is when I turn away from the bottle. It is too easy a trap to fall into. Is there a local counselor there you feel you can talk to? Maybe a session with them once a week or once every other week, just to let some things out and maybe get some advice. Trust me, I waited too long to reach out when the world was on my shoulders and I collapsed and spent five years in counseling.
Know that my ear is here to here if you need to vent.